uncertain

am no longer sure that this is really what i want.

feel like letting go and sparing everyone the misery.

since feeling is first

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other; then
laugh, lean back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

an emotional wasteland

how do i do this

it was a rude shock
like a slap that releases this tingling sensation
piercing right through my cheeks

i have these images of him back in our primary school years when we used to sit next to each other. after recess he would come back from soccer, dripping wet with sweat. he had this one blue handkerchief which was way too multi-functional for my liking. he was always the first to finish the papers, as if the papers were only the means to an end, and that the greater purpose was to use his stationery as tools for his architecture and to swerve them around like airplanes. he always did well anyway. he teased me so much that i once cried in class. i even recall that his register number was 31. i have all these recollections from all over the fucking place, but no place to contain them.

and he's only twenty.

it's as if this is the bad case of lottery where everyone ultimately wins the damned prize. you just never know who's next.

four days to my lover's face


there is lightness in this longing.

stamp

These people are understanding and genuine in their concern, but I still miss the ones who have seen me through the days without illumination. They know what made me the way I am and why I do the things I do. And in speech they understand the significance in my choice of words.

Brandon is flying off to India in two days' time. I tell myself that distance is necessary and we can't remain starry-eyed lovers for life. We have to go about the things that need to be done - will take comfort in the fact that he will be sailing closer and closer to me with each passing minute. There is too much moisture in my eyes but at least I have the brown Wanderlust envelope in one hand.

-

R is right. Back then, we were put through things that people that age shouldn't have had to go through. But every event causes an equal and opposing reaction and we are now sitting at the more favorable end of the equation. I can't be any happier.

nights

on a bench in the middle of a park
there were no stars
we were sharing a cup of yoghurt
and we laughed till we cried
till we laughed again and kissed
i have gotten used to your chest
and it feels like the safest place on earth
you made me promise not to get you a birthday present -- i refused
you said you hate birthdays
but i love celebrating birthdays

and you'll love what I'm getting you



4th March 2012
hands down the worst date in our
entire relationship history
i am so bad on thin wheels
but it only makes me feel more fortunate than ever
because
no one takes my shit better than you do

when we are together we are 0.00 centimeters apart
almost always